Oops! ...When Hunters Shoot Each Other
from No Compromise Issue 26
 

John Lennon sang, "Instant kharma's gonna get you," and for many hunters, 2004 was when it got them. Practically as soon as hunting season opened, hunters began shooting themselves, falling from tree stands and impaling themselves on arrows faster than local coroners could print toe tags. Hunt clubs love to tell anyone who'll listen that hunting is safer than bowling, badminton and ping pong, but I'll take my chances with ping pong paddles any day of the week. If the following people were still alive, they might agree with me.

Wayne Duckworth of West Wheatfield, Pennsylvania bit the dust when his hunting stand - ingeniously built on top of utility poles - caught fire. His son heard an explosion and found his father on the ground, burnt to a crisp. There was no venison steak for dinner that night in the Duckworth household.

The body of 24-year-old John Hughes of Florence, Ohio was found hanging in a tree 40 feet above the ground. Hughes went bow hunting and ended up as a Christmas tree ornament. See ya later, Johnny.

Stamos Courpas, 35, of Fairfax, Virginia died after Charles Lepovetski mistook his movements for a bird and shot him. How on earth do you mistake a person for a bird? Only Mr. Lepovetski knows for sure.

Samuel B. Allgyer, 15, an Amish young man from Mill Hall, Pennsylvania was blown away by a 15-year-old friend while they were fondling their guns after a day of hunting. I thought the Amish were supposed to be non-violent? Guess not.

And who could forget Chai Soua Vang, the Laotian immigrant who blasted six hunters to smithereens in Wisconsin? Vang achieved something that day that the animal rights movement may have never been able to: He made six hunters stop eating meat and dairy forever. Way to go, Chai!

These and many other hunting accidents can be found on the Committee to Abolish Sport Hunting's website at:

www.all-creatures.org/cash/taah.html#safe

Even the most causal observer can see that America's sportsmen are doing a very good job of culling their population so that they will not succumb to starvation or disease. Congratulations, oh mighty hunters! You've demonstrated the safety of your sport admirably. The next time I find myself blasting the head off of my badminton opponent, I'll remember just how safe hunting is.